Manual for Parents

Manual for Parents

It has always been said that children do not come with a manual under their arm, so here I leave you mine. A manual that I give you with all my love and wishing that your experience as a parent will be as wonderful as mine was.

They say there should not be one manual but one for each child, since each one is unique and, therefore, requires different strategies and actions to be raised. But here I seek to provide you with certain general knowledge that applies to all, especially because the younger they are, the more similarities they present.

So, as a manual, I will seek for it to be simple, short and easy to learn.

Now then, I give you two golden rules, which must always be used and in the right measure: **love and discipline**.

We all know them, but in reality, how much importance do we give them as elemental, fundamental and definitive pieces in the emotional and physical development of our children? Even if it sounds simple to you, the formula is love plus discipline. From the moment the child comes to you, he seems beautiful and you accept everything from him. But how many times, as the years go by, does patience run out? Not because he is your child is he perfect. And, as you already know —but I remind you— neither are we.

God has accompanied me, because in reality I have always stood up for children when I see them in need. It is no secret that in some countries people still raise their hands against little ones. But let me tell you something: with violence nothing is taught. It does not matter if it is a lot or a little, verbal or physical, the effect is the same and it must be avoided at all costs. Far from correcting the behavior, what happens is that the child loses respect for the one who attacks him. That person is also damaging his self-esteem, his security and his confidence, and at the same time destroying the relationship and the bond with you as a parent.

That is why you must never hit a child or say something that offends him. What you should do is call him aside and speak to him from the heart, reminding him that making mistakes is normal and part of everyone’s process. You must teach him that mistakes are opportunities to improve and that he also has the ability to achieve it. Giving him confidence in himself and showing him that both you and others also make mistakes helps him grow with security and hope.

On the other hand, the tone you use must be in harmony with the information you transmit. It is essential to foster an environment of security and trust. It is also important to listen to him attentively, let him express himself, ask him how he feels. This strengthens the parent-child bond and keeps the door of communication open for the future. With each gesture you send him a clear message: “I am here for you, I listen to you and you can count on me.”

A common mistake in many parents is to say yes to everything and give them everything, thinking that seeing them happy is the signal that their love is being well received. But today I want to tell you that it is not so: love is also discipline, and it must always be accompanied by truth. That truth can never go against his development as a human being, understood in all its dimensions: emotional, social, spiritual, physical, among others.

Talking about development includes many aspects, but among the most important are values and virtues. In a few words, you must know how to say no when appropriate, even if it bothers and even if all the other children do the opposite. Teaching him to be faithful to his truth is one of the greatest gifts

you can give him.

Now then, another fundamental point is that you are the image of your child and that your life is consistent with what you teach him. There must be a relationship between what you think, say and do.

On the other hand, I consider it vital to express every day, both verbally and with gestures and actions, how much we love our children. This simple act saves them many emotional problems, because the lack of love is a void difficult, but not impossible, to fill.

If you are reading this and thinking: “But how do I do it, if I did not receive it?”, I want to tell you that it can be done. You only need to start one day, in one moment. Enjoy that beautiful feeling within you when you see your child receiving your affection, when you see him light up with happiness, tenderness and love.

Another aspect of fundamental importance is that, if you know that you —or someone you know— has problems of physical or verbal aggressiveness towards a child, professional help must be sought. I always say that when there is a problem, you have to take care of it, and that is what must be done. The child has the right to grow up in a favorable and harmonious environment, with love, guidance and direction.

My recommendation is that, within his responsibilities —especially at school age—, there should be a balance with activities that allow him to feel free to explore his aptitudes and to express himself with creativity and joy. These activities must favor both the development of higher intellectual processes and the physical aspect, working gross and fine psychomotricity in all its forms. In addition, they must contribute to the emotional and social aspect, strengthening the bonds with the people around him.

For me it is essential that children have contact with music and sports, since they bring infinite positive aspects to their lives. The benefits are so many that, to describe them in detail, several books would have to be written. Suffice it to say that music and sports are pillars that extraordinarily favor the integral development of children.

Now then, along the way new challenges will arise for both, but I am sure that, with this syrup of love and discipline that I prepared for you, you will be able to see difficulties in another way. When we perceive eventualities as problems, even if we manage to overcome them, we usually end up tired and worn out. Instead, when we take them on as challenges, in reaching them we not only overcome them, but we also come out stronger.

Now then, remind him that he is unique and unrepeatable, that you love him and that you will always be there for him. Let him know that he came into this world to be happy and also to bring happiness to others.

2025 — Paris

 

With love,

Valentina

 

Bonus

“When they are little it is very beautiful —and they love it— that, when they make a mistake and you call them aside (because they should never be corrected in front of others, since shame is always negative and unfavorable), you bend down and speak to them from their size. That the visual line between you, during the conversation, is horizontal.